Friday, April 26, 2013

Such and such

He wakes up
And as the fog fades
The dreams go where they are bade
He remembers
That today
Today is the day
Fifty years to the day
When they made their vows
When he promised himself to her
When he stood in front of everyone
And said he would never love another
When he said he'd stay with her
He smiles
Thinks back on all their memories
Replays their story
Of that midnight dance
When he had finally been brave enough
In that coffee shop
When they had walked beneath the stars
And when he's kissed her
The first of a thousand and one kisses
Then the gulf had come
When they had lost their way
When they had found each other again
To hear her tell it
They had been destined from the start
The stars had foretold a great romance of the age
They had loved, she believed, as no one before had loved
He felt that she was right
He felt that he had said those words for a long time
He felt that he could not remember
What had made him so happy fifty years before
That he would make those promises before his friends and family
That he would tell her she would be the only one
That he would tell her she was his first and only
He doesn't remember the drive that fed his smile
He thinks its all been too fake for too long
He thinks he knows the hour of the first day
When she first faked the first orgasm
When he knew he could never be good enough
When he knew he would always fail
When he had given up
When they had found their routine
When the kids had come and gone
Like a river running through them
Like a stream carrying away the last of his dreams
Like a hollowing that has left him naked and bare
Like the idea of being free toxically entices
Like he feels as he wakes up today
Fifty years to the day
But he never gave up
Not on her or the promise he made
Even though he felt like he lied
And he never left her
Even if it meant years of being miserably next to her
Even if it meant waking up in a freezing bed
Even if it meant not knowing love since that first night long passed
He has kept his word for fifty years
He has hated every year for forty nine
He has not loved her for fifty one
But he has stayed with her
And he has stayed strong
And she can say all she wants
How his impatience killed the mood
How his lack of sensitivity
Created a feeling of stress
How she could have left him if she wanted
How she still could burn her wedding dress
They have been unhappy for a long forty nine years
But a nine month chain connected to an eighteen year writ of conscription
All of these chained them to one another
And for fifty years they have learned to cope
Now they can finally make a choice
And everyone will listen
And everyone will understand
Well almost everyone
They can stay another fifty years together
They can become a beacon for love
But can they truly be a beacon for love
When their own is a miasma to their souls
He thinks about this as he lays there
Washed in the grey light of dawn
He thinks about this as he looks over
To her slowly rising and falling form
Wrapped in blankets beside him
Still clinging to life, like their love used to do
And he sighs and decides not to think about it too much
And he laughs and plays a song and thinks love is always
Such and such

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