Monday, September 28, 2009

Think Before Thou Posteth

I would write a poem of love
To my darling heavenly light above
But ere spoken my words are undone
For fear they be taken by the wrong one
My heart etched words would too soon
Be picked up by the trembling pale moon
And seeing words of 'disc' and 'light'
Would on her wings of deep midnight
Rise with trembling heart in trembling hand
and shining eyes, before me stand
Holding out her still beating heart to me
Moved so by cupid's boiling sea
And then what would I dare to do
To speak to Luna a lie or the truth
For both lead down toward deaths door
And would break the moon forever more
So no words of love will I write to the sun
Here where they can be seen by everyone
Instead in the secret my heart once more
Will remain behind the misty door

Friday, September 25, 2009

Dreaming of Another Dawn

I dreamed of you last night
but not as you would wish
I dreamed you walked alone
Alone on that empty road
And as the rains fell down
They passed around your shaking shoulders
And not a single drop of rain
Soothed the ache of your dry skin

Those smiles of yesterday
Have all but passed us by
The words have now been spoken
And now your tears you have to cry
I wish we could go backwards
To the way the world was before
But its all over now
We've gone through the door

I dreamed of you last night
That this wind blew too hard
And the autumn leaves cut through you
Where used to beat your heart
And as the orange umbra about you
From the glow of these street lights
Softly tones your lonely way with sepia
It was all I could do but cry

These tears of your tomorrow
Will also pass you by
And the pain will grow less
With each long and heartfelt sigh
I wish we could go forward
To where my heart was always drawn
To once again laugh fearlessly
Instead of dreaming of another dawn

Monday, September 21, 2009

Past Memory: Latent or Other(wise)

If you haven't read Frank Herbert's Dune series you are missing out. Before there was Star Trek, Star Wars, or any of the classic science fiction works, there was Dune. Its story is breathtaking in the scope of its detail, in a manner that can only be described as Toklienesque.

One of the key components of the story is something known as "Other Memory". Essentially, specially trained women can go through a process in which they become aware and cognitive in their bodies to the cellular degree. This permits them to control their body temperature, metabolism, heartbeat, the gender of their children, etc. They are the Bene Gesserit. The Bene Gesserit are also known for possessing something known as "Other Memory". Other Memory is essentially access to the memories of all their ancestors. The plot then revolves around the fact that within Other Memory, they can only look through their female ancestors because there is a primal fear that stops them from looking through their male ancestors memories. They had, prior to the book, been desperately trying, for thousands of years, to breed bloodlines and royal houses in order to produce the one who will be able to look not only through the female memories but also the male.

I won't tell you what happens because its an interesting enough story that you should read it for yourself.

After reading the book, I began pondering the concept of Other Memory and came to a startling and somewhat eerie conclusion about Other Memory and the Real World. Before you can even begin to look at it from an real perspective you need to know a little bit about cells.

WARNING SCIENTIFIC CONTENT FOLLOWS!!
Cells are basically made of two parts, the cytoplasm and the nucleus. The Cytoplasm contains the various parts of the cell structure that allows it to function and metabolize, such as the mitochondria, which all comes from our maternal ancestors. Your mitochondria is one of your mother's body's mitochondria. Her's was one of her mother's. And so on and so forth all the way back to Eve. So in a sense, you already contain something in every one of your cells that links you through your maternal line.

The other basic part of a cell is the nucleus. The Nucleus is the information that tells your body how to do things and how to function. The nucleus is made up of two chromosomes, which are basically chemicals bonded together to form long strings of information. Women have two chromosomes, both of them X, but men have one X and one Y chromosome. The Y chromosome, like the mitochondria, is one of your father's, which once more, traces back through your paternal line all the way to Adam. Women have one X chromosome from their father, but his X chromosome comes from his mother, and there the line usually ends.

What this means is that in ever single cell of your body, you have something that has literally been passed down THROUGH all of your ancestors. Each cell is a genetic heirloom.

Another basic idea in cellular biology is that all cells are pretty much exactly the same, they have just been altered by genetic signals to do different jobs. Before they receive the chemical signals, they are stem cells. They can be signaled to grow into any type of cell, even into tissues or organs. All from one cell. Theoretically, because they still contain all their original parts, these cells could be reversed engineered to turn back into stem cells. What this all means is that all cells are actually identical, whether they are hair follicle cells, skin cells, iris cells, or bone marrow cells.

This means that all cells in your body are identical to your original cell, that lonely cell from back when you were just one cell big. And you grew from that one cell. Meaning all the information needed to make your body was contained in that one cell. And that also means that all the information used to make your body is contained in all your body's other cells.

Take a moment to catch your breath. We're almost through. This is where it all ties together. But before it makes any sense how this ties to Other Memory in real life, we have to talk about your muscles.

Your muscle cells have memory. If you do any kind of running or weight training, you strain your muscle cells and build them up so they become stronger to a certain point, say till you can benchpress 150 lbs. If you were to stop and then start over again, you would regain your previous mark (being able to benchpress 150 lbs) much faster then before, and once your surpassed your previous mark you would slow down again to the previous speed of muscle gain. Its the scientific phenomenon known as muscle memory. Your muscle cells remember how to tear and regenerate up to how far they learned to do it. Your muscle cells have memories of your actions.

Remember, all cells are identical. Therefore, all cells have memories of your actions.

Your brain also has a very similar cellular phenomenon. Memory itself, as we know it. For years, scientist thought that memory was contained in ONE part of the brain. But through the years they have worked with patients who have lost chunks of their brains, and no matter which part of the brain is removed, while cognition is retained, memories are still present. This indicates that memories are not linked to a certain portion of the organ, but rather to the tissue of the brain itself, to the very cells. Scientist have no way of explaining it other than ALL YOUR MEMORIES are retained in your cells, not your brain.

This startling discovery then ties eerily with the earlier cellular fact, that you have your ancestor's cell parts in your own cells. If memory is locked in the cell, not the brain, then your ancestor's memories are actually within your own cells. That is a cool, and slightly creepy thought.

Now, I'm not saying that this means you can communicate with your dead grandmother through your toenail. Or that you can watch your entire family history like a DVD just by focusing your mind (or in the case of Dune, drinking a special poison and then using your body to convert it to a harmless substance.) But what it does mean is that that latent memory within all of our cells may serve to explain some of the reasons behind who we are and what we do, as well as phenomenons such as deja vu. Science is still working hard to unlock the mysteries inside each of our cells, and it will be interesting to see what they find behind that door.

In the meantime, here is an example of what I would call the influence of the latent or past memory in my own life. Before I was 2 years old, my mom and dad were divorced, and I grew up without really knowing much about my dad. We moved to another country and I grew up, forming a love for astronomy. This is weird because there was never anyone in my family who practiced astronomy or was in any way, shape, or form influencing me or introducing me to it. I just naturally was drawn to it for some inexplicable reason. Only to find out that my dad, whom I had basically no contact with for a decade and a half, also has a love for astronomy. Now, this may be pure coincidence. All I know is that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and it is the glory of God to hide things and the honor of kings to seek them out.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Verbum Fugant

I opened my mouth to answer
But doves flew from my lips
To land upon your gentle curving heart
And croon there softly

I opened my mouth to object
But stones fell from my heart
And shattered upon the floor
And revealed an empty room

I moved my lips to cry out
But my call was drowned by the tears
Whose tears are these around my mind
Strangling my lips tonight?

I took a breath to whisper
But it froze with a louder thought
That if great care isn't taken
We are already upon the knife's edge

I tried to simple mouth the meaning
To sign my answer to your soul
But your rose tinted heart heard partly
Leaving me and the choice alone

So I sit in the empty room
Watching my choices wither and die
And now that I don't want to say anything
I know I have to say good bye

Monday, September 14, 2009

Walking in Light

Took a walk today
Down the road of yesterday
And saw some old friends
Whose faces I’d rather forget
The road’s been a long one
Its stones have left many scars
But today as I walked this road
Faced the ghost of yesterday
And phantoms of my fears
I came into the dark place
That hovers eternally at the edge of my dreams
And threatens to turn all to nightmare
And when I walked into the dark place
I found that there was something new
A new life that shone forth
From where my heart once was
Before it was taken
And the light in my chest
Sprang forth into darkness
And burned the oiliness
Until all was changed to feather-light
And I walked out of the dark place
And the darkness did not touch my soul
And I stepped up from the deep place
And turned to face my fears
And saw no more the dark place
But a place of white misty edges
And realized, after much deliberating
That I am not the villain of this tale
I took a walk today
Down the road of my tomorrow
And as I take this walk
The Light will guide my path

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Passera

Passera fair and ever fleeting
Flying upon your brown and black wing
You beat the air for fair tokens
The same song you ever sing

O Sweet Passera I hear your call
Your song has not fallen on deaf ears
I hear your heartbeat, understand your mind
Your hopes, and loves, and hidden fears

And Gracious Passera do not fret
I also know your heart is pure
You do not fear for yourself
But for another love that it may endure

Now hear, Passera, my words true
You’ ve played your part and done quite well
The veil will soon be parted and then
Time will all of these tales tell

But please, Passera, hear my plea
Do not stir the sleeping embers yet
For waking seed in midwinter’s frost
Will ensure no fruit the seed beget

Coffee Tumbler

Coffee tumbler
Tall and narrow
You look beyond
The round lip of your edge
And see the world from a perspective
Higher than most, you think
As lips pay homage to you
Daily
But they drink from your soul
And feast upon your thoughts
Until you remain used and empty
No longer full of life
But you are no paper cup
You were not made to be discarded
After merely a single use
No
You are a tumbler made
To be refilled day after day
Strong edges define you
They keep you safe and warm
You are made specially
To keep this life inside
Warm and lasting and full of life
To daily be filled
And daily pour out
To withstand the day
And see the glorious night
You were made for cold mornings
When all else is frost
You were made for cool evenings
For those who keep the stars
You were made to last through everything
To endure, to be strong
You are the coffee tumbler
You shall overcome

Friday, September 11, 2009

To her That Claims To Love Me

A poem I wrote a while back, found it today. Its funny, though it talks about love, its more about self awareness than anything else. Also, its one of the most open, transparent poems about myself I have ever written. Because real self awareness begins with honesty. And the hardest part of being honest with myself is to look at this and realize how much of it hasn't changed since I wrote it...

To Her That Claims to Love Me

How can I make you understand
You say that you want this
That you want to be with me
But its not what it seems
I am no mystery
If I were a more open book
And you could read through my pages
What would you do
Would you still love me dearly?
I don’t think so
My moods are unstable
Up and down
I’m a rollercoaster
Depression, the monster
Ever haunts my steps
Though I admit
I often try to fight it
There are some days I wake up
And I just give in
Do you really want that?
Forever?
I’m insecure about myself
My voice is too high
My stomach too round
My cheeks too big
At least they are to me
There was even a time
Not so very long ago
That I hated waking up
And being me
Now I’ve come a long way
But there’s much longer to go
Do you really want to go?
Take this journey with me?
I’m insecure about love
And those who love me
Sure blame it on my past
But that won’t help anyone
I can cling too much
Demand too much
And though I try to stop
I cry too much too
Do you really want to deal
With all of these things?
Is your love strong enough
To weather the real me?
My self esteem sucks
As you have probably already seen
My work feels pathetic
My words feel unclean
When compared to the rest
Of these voices in the world
Why would anyone care
What mine has to say?
Could you really bare it
To live with this day after day?
The list goes on
And on
And on
And on and on
When I get weary and sleep deprived
My tongue becomes sharpened iron
Cutting all those around me
Especially my loved ones
How thick is your armor?
If I never overcomes this?
How strong is your love
Could it endure this?
No father to trace
No figure to look to
How can I ever be one
Without an example
My greatest fear
Gnawing endlessly
Would you have enough patience
To stay with me?
I will not hide it
I will not deceive
This is the real me
Now think truly
Do you want to shackle yourself
Anchor yourself
Weigh yourself down
With me?
Is your love strong enough
To withstand all the trials
That I must work through
What God’s doing in my life
I’m so far from perfect
I’m not worthy of your love
Take a good look at the real me
And decide

Thursday, September 10, 2009

A Thought for You

You deserve so much better
Then a heart thats ruled by the rain
Leave this worn umbrella at the door
And walk out into the sunshine
Loving a poet is the greatest romance
Living with one is the riskiest chance

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Deadly Sin of Gluttony

Today your sin was gluttony
You consumed my every thought
My mind-trails could not run
And they all unraveled at your door

But that was not enough for you
You also devoured my reason
Picked your teeth with my excuses
And muddied these already milky waters

And then with reason gone
You tasted even of my heart
And turned my turncoat emotions upon me
The forbidden fruit still tempts Eve

Now, even now, I feel your reach
Deep within me, stretching further still
Carnivorously grasping at my frazzled will
Bending it between your iron jaws

Today your sin is gluttony
You are utterly consuming me
But when done will this be real,
Or will you move on to your next meal?

Monday, September 7, 2009

Should I Be One To Remind You Of Love?

This is the result of an internal conversation I have recently had with myself, in which I have begun thinking about the various aspects of my life and wondering about next steps. Being me, it obviously turned to the issue of love. And within me there is a part that really wants to capture love, as soon as I find it, and never let it go. To keep it and protect it and treasure it forever. But this is my knee jerk reaction to finding affection. And I never trust knee jerk reactions. So I further contemplated this feeling that I needed to "act on love before I loose it" and this was the result.

Should I Be One To Remind You Of Love?

Shall I remind you
As I have so many times before
That Love is not a feeling
Or what makes us step beyond this door
But that it is something
Much more ancient and powerful
Misused by many and understood by less
Love is panoramically blind
And so the lover blinds all around
And does not see what lies beyond the corners
Unless he or she opens their eyes
And see the truth for the lies

Shall I remind you that Love
Love is the freeing slavemaster
How many marks has Love not given you
Or was it truly love
Or your own hand that made those scars
Your own steps that brought those mars
Who will ever truly know…
Purhaps Love’s nature is perilous
Should that journey then be taken lightly?
Otherwise, if Love be truly gentle and kind
It is our own foolishness that brings Love’s demise
But then again, if our nature changes Love’s
Should Love be undertaken without some thought to ourselves?
Either way that this road may run
Love should not be taken in haste by anyone

And what of the threats that fall on blind ears
That Love unrequited shall too soon wither
But is that Love’s nature?
Is it fragile glass?
That is not truly Love
I hate to quote the ancient words to you
For I know that you know the deep magic well
But remember then, Love
Love is patient
Love suffers long, and is still kind
Love does not seek its own ways
Love keeps no record of wrongs
Love believes all
Love hopes all
Love ENDURES all
Love will conquer all
If this be truly Love
It shall stand the test of time

So, what do you guys think of my conclusion? This is in no way, shape, or form, my final decision on this matter. It is more accurately my current decision. But I would like feedback, as it helps me to think more about life, love, and the universe. ;)