Monday, December 26, 2011

The Mist and the Boulder

It was a night
Like so many before
When we just sat
And tried to talk
But the words were few
And the thoughts too many
And the feelings too
Were just too true
Just too true...
Or at least, that's what I thought.

It was this last night
Like so many before
Where you leaned arms crossed
Against the frame of my door
And you just looked at me
Wordless and sad
Because of the simple truth
Of what would never be
What would never be...
Or at least, so it seamed to me.

That's why last night
Like no night before
As we sat on the stairs
And you placed your fingertips
On each one of my tears
No need to ask me why
No need to answer
No words can fill this soul
The truth we both know well
We both know well...
Or at least, I can only hope.

And so now that it's tonight
Just like the night before
I will sit alone in silence
Not asking what I cannot bear
To hear the answer to
And I know even if my dreams were true
The silence would be a constant veil
And I know if they are but dreams
The silence is a sanctuary for dreams
And so we shall remain silent
Remain silent....
Or at least, I will for now.


Merlin's Prison

In an empty room
Colored in saddness
I sit and contemplate
You

I sit and stair at my reflection
Waiting for the glass to make
Make the first move
Move

But no sigh, no shutter, nothing at all
The sound of emptiness is loudest
And I knew for sure I was
Forsaken

And when you asked me to have a heart
To show a care again like before
I walked into the empty room
That was Yours

And I peeled the wallpaper with my nails
And I broke the chairs with my bones
And I ground all to dust and ash
Ashes

And I gave the last bit back to you
Because I could not have a heart
After I already gave it away
To you

So here I sit in my empty oaken chamber
And stair empathetically at the mirror
Here where you have imprisoned me
Heartless


Thursday, December 22, 2011

Clocks and Feathers

For too long the clock was still
Hands frozen on frozen face
The chill of the cool metal
The silence of the pendulum
Encased in glass, and iron, and velvet and dust
The long empty silent clock stood
Untouched, unmoved, unwound

But then the small bird flew in
Iron black and as soft as night music
And settled itself on the ledge
And there it built its small nest
While the winter howled outside
The roar of snow was defening
The silence of the clock more so
And in quiet, dreamy slumber sleeping
The clock and the bird slept till spring

The promise of things to come
That springs will wind again
That ticks will once more echo
And that together they shall learn
How to tell time once again


Monday, December 19, 2011

Forms and Shapes of Dreams

Would impetious tears now stand
And say their peace before God and man
For long have I labored to trace the spheres
And long have their paths yet alluded me
Copernicus in his tower sits
And makes the music I long to hear
And yet here I stand in my Tychean turmoil
And I know not yet how to see these things
Wents from the unyielding hands
That hang empyrean upon the ballast fast
I wrought my heart of ore untouched by flame
And the lattice work of my desire
Would not follow the smith's hammer blows
Anon I picked my heart up from the anvil
Where blows so real shattered dreams and fantasy
And relinquished the heart that never was mine
Relingquished the nether-would-bes of morrowtime
The holly hangs upon the heather
And the mistletoe creeps upon the oak
So has this desire clung unto my heart
So shall I set fire to creeping vine and branch alike
Leave naught but ash in my observatory
Leave naught but the tangled form of once was
Melt my astolabe and compass
Retire to that glassy serpent
Upon whose banks wreathed in fog
Purhaps the memory of that face
The memory of Copernicus' song
Shall melt away from all memory
Like imperfections from iron drawn
Or make my mind and heart to fade
Decay the oak and mistletoe
For no longer can this dream last
Soon shall I reap what I have sown
A dark day comes for me
A dark day draws no neigh

Saturday, December 17, 2011

And because

And I don't know what to say
You've come and gone away
And no matter how I cry
You still just pass me by

And I don't know what to do
You made my smile sneak through
And when I didn't see your face
My sorrow took it's place

Because you leave me feeling high
Like I could actually get by
Like my world has some small spark
Like I may still have a heart

Because you leave my messy bed
Smelling like your cigarette
And when it mixes with my tears
Its like you were almost here

And I don't know what to say
Because you make me feel this way
Because you leave me oh so high
How will I ever again get by?


Thursday, December 15, 2011

Die Stilte en die Lied

Stand nou still
En se niks
Want daar is geen meer worde nie
En die aand ure is te donker
Hulle kom, hulle kom
Gee nou aan die duisternis
Betaal ons boote aan die skeemer mis
Want die tale tel nou saam
En die musiek is verby
En die lied het verdwyn
En die stilte sal ons smoor
Terwyl ons hier staan
Almal saam ons kringe draai
Maar nooit sal die ossewaa staan
Nooit sal die duwe weer stuig
Die belofte so laank geleede gemaak
Sal ons trug roep van die doode
Sal ons kinders trug roep na die nuewe dag
Maar die wat tussen staan
Nie in die kraal en nie buite nie
Die veloore
Die vervloekde
Die wat vergeet word
Waar sal ons plek wees
Die blou van onse huemel
Sal sak en smeer met onse see
En die sterkte van ons berge
Kan hul ons die antwoord gee?
Maar so lank is die gront rooi bly
So lank is die Karoo goud bly
So lank as die huemel blou bly
So lank sal die lied anhou
So lank sal ons altyd onthou




Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Didymus

He caught my eye
Peering across the room
With a suken look that seemed to say
That seemed to beg
To beg for someone
Anyone
To ask him what's wrong
So I stepped closer
And he came more into view
And as if reading my mind
Reading his mind
He began to speak
"Its nothing at all"
He couldn't look at me as he lied
I couldn't look at him as he lied
I'm fine
He tried to say but just couldn't
It's just that I think
Yes?
I think I may be getting close
Close? Close to what?
Close to just giving up.
Giving up on what?
Do you really have to ask
And the sadness is his eyes
Was too heavy to bear
So I could not stay
I could not ask him
What he wanted to ask me
Instead I just
I just turned
And walked away
Away from the mirror


Thursday, December 8, 2011

Edmund

Shhhh
Don't say it
We don't want to hear it
Just keep it
Keep it to yourself
Shhh
Let it fall
Bury it deep inside your soul
And let it lie forgotten
By all
Except for you of course
You won't ever forget
You won't ever move on
You won't ever let it go
You have tasted of the cup
And you have found that
Turkish Delight is far too sweet
To ever drink blood again
So now you'll just lie here
In the snow and the ice
And hug yourself to keep warm
And only ever hug yourself
Poor boy you don't even see do you
You can never make them understand
Let it sink lower still
Falling like a burning comet
Self immolation draws now near
Do it
Do it
But never tell them why
Let them stand in a circle
Proud brother and sisters dear
Let them look on with questioning glances
Let them wonder why you would ever
They have not tasted
They can never understand
They will never know why
They look down at your charred remains
And though you may be tempted
Tempted by forces as weak as love and comfort
To tell them
Don't
Shhh
Don't say a word
They can't understand
They have never understood
A thousand generations of their faces
And they have never understood
A thousand more and maybe
But no, no place made for hope
They will never understand it
So just let it all take flame
And let them step back
The look of horror and fear
and that says "I told you so"
Let them share their glances
And speak of their "Poor dear"
But do not answer their questions
They don't even really ask
Shh be still my poor poor prince
Yes, you little prince you little darling
You truly are alone in the world
And so you shall always be
Have I not decreed it?
And My word shall not return void
Go now and lie in the snow a bit longer
Until all your tears have glazed into ice
And as the frozen rivulets travel up cheeks
Freezing those pools that are your eyes
And following that watery trail down
Into your heart
Into your soul
Let all turn to my beloved ice
It is about time, don't you think?
Enough of this fire
Enough of their flames
Let it all cool down and freeze to iron
And then only shall I call you Mine
The Prince deserving of My Kingdom
Drink deep now
Drink of that cup they shall never know
Take up your seat
Not on some throne of four
No
Rise higher still
Here upon the sledge beside Me
Come now and let us go
Only take a care
To hold your tongue
Not a word
Not one word
Shhhh

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Ode to the Bird of Paradise

A different spectre draws now near
Not of her who I no longer fear
But of an altogether different colored bird
Whose song is sweet yet so absurd
For you, o bird of paradise, I write
For it is thoughts of you that keep me up tonight
First the smell, that scent that haunts my sleep
Wafting on unseen breezes it creeps
And suddenly brings back every smile of your face
And in darkness your profile I begin to trace

Begone you thoughts that haunt my dreams!
For though sweet, you are not all you seem
Your lies are free and your venom is fierce
To lead desperate hearts and then to pierce
When you rent away the precious thing of desire
And leave only the taste of the despondent mire
I know your lies and treachery too well
Tonight you shant make my dreams a hell

The bird did not on my shoulder come
Because it preferred me over everyone
It did not sing such a lovely air
Because it thought me the most fair
The kiss I stole it did not secretly give
You cannot trick me and make me believe
You would lie and my heart would gladly follow
But my mind must guard my psyche for the morrow
And it knows that the bird of paradise is wild
It is unpredictable Nature's child
I can never hold it with cage door or bar
I can only be contented to love it from afar




Goodbye Liza

Goodbye Liza
We had such a good time
But we couldn't keep the second hands
From running on and going past

Goodbye Liza
We had such a good run
But all races have an end
And now we've crossed the finish line

Goodbye Liza
We had us and we and our
But now its you and me
And yours and mine
And somehow I think it will be fine

Hello Liza
As I meet you again
Like a new born baby
Reborn is a friend

Hello Liza
I think I saw you before
You're here were I left you before
Before we opened that door

Hello Liza
I'm actually glad to see you
Lets paint the past in shades of gold
Let this friendship also grow old



Thursday, December 1, 2011

Deny me

It wasn't me

We know it was so don't try to deny it

It wasn't me

We have the evidence right here you can't deny it

It wasn't me

Look now just stop it, we all know you did it

It wasn't me

Fine, maybe the evidence is scarce but we know you did it

It wasn't me

Is that what you tell yourself

It wasn't me

Keep denying it and the only person you'll fool is yourself

It wasn't me

Stop saying that! It was you! It was always you!

It wasn't me

I'm getting sick of your lies!

It wasn't me

Shut up! Just shut up! If it wasn't you then who? Me?

It wasn't me

Oh so now you are saying it was me!

It wasn't me

You're garbage! You don't know what you're talking about!

It wasn't me

Stop! Saying! That! Are you saying I did it? Is that it?

It wasn't me

Fine! Maybe I did do it! But no one will ever know.

It wasn't me.

Shut up! No one will ever know after I blow your stupid brains out!

It wasn't me

BANG!

.....


.....


.....


He...hehhe....hehe

.....

I did it. I silenced you for good.

I....

What was that?

It....

Whose there?

It wasn't....

No!

It wasn't....

No! No! No! It can't be! You're dead!

It wasn't....mmmmm

No! I killed you! You're dead! You're dead!

It wasn't......

Please, please don't say it.

....me

Oh God!

It wasn't me!

Help! Help me! I did it! It was me! It was me! Somebody! Anybody!

It wasn't....

Help....

me


Go

Must write
Must get it out
If I keep the poison in
It will consume my bones
Let it go before it burns away
My hands and face and dreams
Keep it too close and soon I'm the slave
But no matter the reasons I could list tonight
I know that come the morrow and it's light
I'll be here on my face again
And I still hold on to nothing
And I hate myself for it
And I tell myself
Let it go
Let it go
Its no use
Hope is leaving
On a train I cannot board
Maybe it's time
To throw in the towl
To throw myself under
Under the train hope escapes on

The Taste

And then I tasted

The salt of the labor
Done in vain
Plans
They will never see the light of reality

And then I tasted

The salt of tears
Feeling all hope drain away
Knowing this dream can never be
Plans
*sigh*
They carry red knives in golden arms

And then the taste of salt

Led to bitter and gallfilled dreams
Where the longing once fire in bones
Now leaves only an aching feeling
So empty
So lonesome
Withering shutters of the soul

Watch these pathetic scribbled pangs
Or maybe call them
Life's last passionate convulsions

Revoltions

Fetally I lie
And let my eyes try to remember
How to form tears

But this is a new kind of longing
Heartsick for sure
But certain all the same of
One
The future that will never come

Like an echo of what was
Like a negative photograph
Like the aftertaste of diet soda
Like the aftertaste of arsenic

This is the feeling that greets me now
In quiet hours when others slumber
I shall drink and taste and see
And wish I hadn't

Would I do it again?
How could I just let it go?