Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Truth or Dare

It is much too hard for me

Not to lie to you
Not to tell you what you want to hear
Because I know what you want
At least I think I know
And I'll tell you what you want to hear
So then you'll be happy
And you won't ever leave me
Oh wait
This is sounding so pedantic and childish
Keep you happy
So you won't make me unhappy
Because it's all about being happy
And making each other happy all the time
Instead I will practice this new
Art of disappointment
I won't live up to your expectations
And I will draw back a bit
Inwards further
This is my problem
It is a foolish problem
It is a childish problem
But then we've always known
That all little boys in love
Are nothing but children
This is my problem
When I feel you there
So close
So near
In my arms you fit so perfectly
And you fulfill me on so many levels
Budding joy and spreading peace
Releasing comfort and disappearing my troubled mind
In you I find that place
The rest from my daily toil my soul craves for
And so
In some way it is only fair
It is only right
That I repay all that you are for me
The way that you make me feel
By making you feel good too
It is childish
It is futile
But you make life so bareable
I want to make yours bearable too
So I bring you pretty things
Things that I don't really care for
Things that I think you will like
So I do so many things
Things that I would not normally do
Things that I think you want me to
And I listen to all the things you have to say
Things I know are vapid and things I disagree with
Things I think you must think so important
And I do all this because I hope it makes you happy
Or I would
But I have this intuition
This strange feeling that guides my lips
It says
You do not want me to make you happy
You have tasted too much of the world's bitter salt
You have known too much bitterness and sorrow
To believe in a person who can make you
Perfectly happy
And so against my own better judgement
Or rather
Against my own natural instincts
I will speak the truth to you
I will not try to make you happy
I will be myself
And that means
Wanting to hold you
Not always but most of the time
Wanting to help you
Not always but some times
It means loving fully when we are together
And it means doubting that love the second we are apart
It means staying up until 5 am
Rewriting this stupid poem
And taking out all of the cliches and lies
Until I can say honestly
It may be hard for me
My self may fight against it
But I will tell you the truth
Even though I love you

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