Truth or Dare

It is much too hard for me

Not to lie to you

Not to tell you what you want to hear

Because I know what you want

At least I think I know

And I'll tell you what you want to hear

So then you'll be happy

And you won't ever leave me

Oh wait

This is sounding so pedantic and childish

Keep you happy

So you won't make me unhappy

Because it's all about being happy

And making each other happy all the time

Instead I will practice this new

Art of disappointment

I won't live up to your expectations

And I will draw back a bit

Inwards further

This is my problem

It is a foolish problem

It is a childish problem

But then we've always known

That all little boys in love

Are nothing but children

This is my problem

When I feel you there

So close

So near

In my arms you fit so perfectly

And you fulfill me on so many levels

Budding joy and spreading peace

Releasing comfort and disappearing my troubled mind

In you I find that place

The rest from my daily toil my soul craves for

And so

In some way it is only fair

It is only right

That I repay all that you are for me

The way that you make me feel

By making you feel good too

It is childish

It is futile

But you make life so bareable

I want to make yours bearable too

So I bring you pretty things

Things that I don't really care for

Things that I think you will like

So I do so many things

Things that I would not normally do

Things that I think you want me to

And I listen to all the things you have to say

Things I know are vapid and things I disagree with

Things I think you must think so important

And I do all this because I hope it makes you happy

Or I would

But I have this intuition

This strange feeling that guides my lips

It says

You do not want me to make you happy

You have tasted too much of the world's bitter salt

You have known too much bitterness and sorrow

To believe in a person who can make you

Perfectly happy

And so against my own better judgement

Or rather

Against my own natural instincts

I will speak the truth to you

I will not try to make you happy

I will be myself

And that means

Wanting to hold you

Not always but most of the time

Wanting to help you

Not always but some times

It means loving fully when we are together

And it means doubting that love the second we are apart

It means staying up until 5 am

Rewriting this stupid poem

And taking out all of the cliches and lies

Until I can say honestly

It may be hard for me

My self may fight against it

But I will tell you the truth

Even though I love you