Friday, March 15, 2013

I Am No Gentleman

I have none for what I've done
You have been the party here 
Injured by my selfishness
Of all people poets are the most selfish 
We write songs and odes to the ubiquitous muse
And dare not wandered far from our pronouns 
Had I been a gentleman I would have said
Perhaps a word in private
Perhaps some other way than that
I could tell you I did not intend it
Any of it at all
I could tell you that I did not want
To tell you in such a sudden way
In the Hiroshima style
Or that I did not intend the news at all
That there was very little precognition 
That I was almost certain 
That things would have turned the other direction
But will that really absolve me?
My intentions, however base or nobel
They have not shaken hands with the outcome
And the end is still the same 
I have ill used you 
To toy with emotions I had no business toying with 
To act as some little boy unaware of his impact
Or the implications of his actions or words
No I take no shelter behind these hollow reasonings
I can at least do you the honor of admitting my fault
There may be too much of Rochester in me
Look beyond the good man and see the darkness
Look beyond the love story and see the selfishness
The self satisfaction 
The sick self sacrifice 
Because even though I'm writing this
Posting this admittance of guilt for all to see
If I were a gentleman I'd give you the thoughtfulness
To at least tell you face to face 
Or at least to give you a name
And not leave you playing guessing games
But as I've already established I guess
I am no Gentleman 

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