I Am No Gentleman

Justification

I have none for what I've done

You have been the party here 

Injured by my selfishness

Of all people poets are the most selfish 

We write songs and odes to the ubiquitous muse

And dare not wandered far from our pronouns 

Had I been a gentleman I would have said

Something

Sooner

Perhaps a word in private

Perhaps some other way than that

I could tell you I did not intend it

Any of it at all

I could tell you that I did not want

To tell you in such a sudden way

In the Hiroshima style

Or that I did not intend the news at all

That there was very little precognition 

That I was almost certain 

That things would have turned the other direction

But will that really absolve me?

My intentions, however base or nobel

They have not shaken hands with the outcome

And the end is still the same 

I have ill used you 

To toy with emotions I had no business toying with 

To act as some little boy unaware of his impact

Or the implications of his actions or words

No I take no shelter behind these hollow reasonings

I can at least do you the honor of admitting my fault

There may be too much of Rochester in me

Look beyond the good man and see the darkness

Look beyond the love story and see the selfishness

The self satisfaction 

The sick self sacrifice 

Because even though I'm writing this

Posting this admittance of guilt for all to see

If I were a gentleman I'd give you the thoughtfulness

To at least tell you face to face 

Or at least to give you a name

And not leave you playing guessing games

But as I've already established I guess

I am no Gentleman