Lessons in Breathing

Lessons in Breathing

He’s doing it again. Watching you from across the room. No, don’t turn, if you look his way you know what will happen. He’ll disappear like he always does. He’s still watching, he seems nervous tonight. And there he goes, I told you not to look.

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The café is noisy tonight, but we’re having another good talk. We always have good talks… He just stepped in the doorway. He’s searching, scanning faces, looking. And he sees you. His eyes lit up instantly. Can you see his reflection in the window? He’s still smiling. You like his smile don’t you? I can tell, you’re smiling back at his reflection. And you’re not breathing. I guess his smile took you’re breath away.

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Sometimes you can be so funny. We’re trying to talk here but I know you two are watching each other in the glass. He smiles. You smile back. His grin widens, you begin to blush. Go ahead, turn around, he won’t disappear tonight. Nope, just a nod of his smiling face. Your eyes meet. You’re captivated by each other’s gaze. Just remember to keep breathing.

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Well, I checked him out. He seems to have a good job, is going to school, and… none of this matters to you because you are too excited to go to dinner with him tonight. Well, I give you my consent. He seems decent enough. I know, I’m the best big brother in the world… even though we’re not even related. But… we’ve been friends so long that we might as well be. But anyway, have fun tonight. Remember, to take a deep breath to help stop the blushing.

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I noticed you looked disappointed that he didn’t come to the café today. Don’t worry. I’m sure he enjoyed last night just as much as you did. Okay, stop looking at me like that. What? Alright, so I may have told him that you like lilies more that roses… those pink ones not the white ones. Oh, yeah that was me too. Though I’m sure you had already told him your favorite food is Vietnamese. Yeah, and the hazelnut chocolates may have been my idea too. Nope, that’s it. The rest was all him. Wait, oh and I did recommend the restaurant too. But other than that, the date was all his idea. I mean come on, he should get some more credit after the second month.

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I’m glad you’re so happy. The light in your eyes and dance in your step assures me that I made the right decision. Um, what decision? Well, um, I’ll tell you some other time. For now, just be careful, for my sake. Don’t laugh! No, I do not sound like your dad! Promise me you’ll take things slow. He’s taking you where? Wow, that sounds nice. Alright, have fun. I look forward to hearing all about it tomorrow.

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There, there. Here, wipe your eyes. It’ll be okay. You had no way of knowing. No, I should have checked up on him more. Lucky for him he left town otherwise your brothers and I would have to hunt him down and do terrible things to him. There’s that smile. Why is the picture of me hurting anything so funny? Anyway, here have another scoop of icecream. Yes, I have the Pride and Prejudice right here for you. Yes, it’s the old eight hour one. Um, sure I’ll stay and watch it with you. No, I would never dream of telling you I told you so.

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Oh, that’s a nice name. Where’d you meet? For real? The library? Um… wow? I’m not being a punk! Look, its just not an answer I hear everyday. Oh, he does? Well, I guess I’ll just have to meet Mr. Eyes-that-are-blue-like-a-cherubs’. Hey, you were the one that said it!

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Wow. Roses, chocolates, gifts from Nordstrom’s and Sephora’s? He sounds like a regular charmer. He even went shopping with you? That’s impressive. Yes, I saw his freakishly pale blue eyes. No, I’m just teasing. It was refreshing to see that old light and laughter back in your face. And that dimple you always get when you’re planning something. Just tell me and stop smiling like a maniac.

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Okay, I’m impressed. You really out did yourself this time. I know you can’t cook, but ordering out and putting the food in bowls to make it look like you made it specially for him is sheer genius. No, I don’t think he’ll suspect. He doesn’t know you as well as I do. Yes its fine, I know I would love it. Stop fidgeting and take a deep breath! Your hair and dress is perfect and… that would be him at the door. I’ll sneak out the back. Oh, and I guess I should take the Happy Panda containers with me so he doesn’t see them.

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I can’t believe it. When did he… you know, pop the question? And then what? Why, I thought you loved him? He didn’t make you happy? There, there. Its okay. I’ll get the Pride and Prejudice and the ice cream. Could we watch the shorter version this time? Sorry, just a question… No, you’re not a horrible person. Don’t ever say that again.

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In the café like old times. And there I go spilling coffee on my new shirt. Yip, just like old times. So, how has school been? I missed our regular coffee days… You’re looking at his spot in the corner aren’t you. Don’t look down at your mug like that. You’re not gonna find the answer in there. Look at me. It was his loss. And it starts raining hard just when I would like to brighten the mood. Listen I want to tell you something. You might want to take a deep breath.

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Stop! No, I’m not letting go of your hand until you hear what I have to say! I don’t care if we’re soaked to the bone in the pouring rain! I love you! I have always loved you! And I always will! I’m sorry I can’t keep it in anymore! I can’t stand watching you break your heart with guys who never appreciated you for who you are. I love you. I don’t ever want to be away from you again. And I don’t want you to ever doubt my love. I w-

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And that was our first kiss. In the middle of the street in the pouring October rain. It felt like we were swimming in the rain and in each other’s love and arms. It was a dive I never wanted to surface from. I didn’t want to come up to take a breath because I was afraid I would wake up to it just being a dream. But when I did finally breathe, and our breaths came out in warm misty swirls, my lungs heaved with the firy, cool sensation like I was truly breathing for the first time ever.