He swallowed. What a question. He looked away from her, lying beside him on the old blanket, and instead searched the obsidian night above for the answer. A billion billion sparking eyes twinkled back at his, as the thoughts started to run through his mind and threatened to spill from his lips.
"When did I know what?" He knew she could see his smile in the full moon's glow, because he saw hers as she whispered back, "You know what."
Should he tell her about the first time he saw her, passing on the train, his eyes locked on hers, and though she may have forgotten he would never forget. He was standing in the rain, waiting to cross the tracks. She was on the train going to school. It was only a moment but it was forever.
Should he tell her about the time he first heard her answer the question in class, challenging the teacher and getting into a fight. The time when she won the argument and won his respect.
Should he tell her about the time he first missed seeing her and realized he never wanted to feel that way again. When talking to her made him feel so much better and he wished the phone call would never end. When he first realized he has an empty place that needed filling.
Should he tell her that he still wasn't sure yet. That his reason fought his heart. That he could think of a hundred different reasons they shouldn't be together. That he knew they were going in opposite directions. That a secret fear stopped his hands from reaching for hers. The secret fear it wouldn't last.
"Hmmm, you didn't fall asleep, did you?" Her voice was breathy but sudden and shocking, snapping him back to the present, there on the old blanket, looking up at the stars burning across the emptiness. So close and yet so far apart.
"No." He closed his eyes and answered honestly, "It was the first night I heard you sing. Your voice rose out over the rest, echoing in the rafters of the old cathedral and reached me sitting high above. And that was when I knew. "
His reason was in a free fall, telling him to stop. But he put it aside and reached out instead and pulled her into his arms. She closed her eyes and smiled and a tear sparkled like one of the stars at the corner of her eye. This was another moment that he knew for sure. And even though he knew it would end all too soon and there would be more doubts and uncertainty, he closed his eyes too. And savored the moment instead.
Today had enough of its own worries and concerns, he told himself, let tomorrow have its own.
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