Sunday, April 29, 2012

Not the End Nor the Beginning

He worries
About how much he cares
How much her simple words
Can change his entire day

He doesn't talk
About the dreams he's had
How much her sweetest smile
Can change his entire mind

He thinks
About her too much now
How things between them would be
Can things really be so easy?

He tries not to sigh
About how he feels right now
How his time is up and she must go
Can things end before they begin?

Friday, April 27, 2012

I Fear You

I fear you
And the future you carry
In an old burlap sack
Flung across bony shoulders

I fear you
And the steady beating drum
Your feet kicking dust up
For the waiting wind to sweep away

I fear you
The cloying dryness in my throat
The throbbing dryness in my veins
The hollow dryness in my soul

I fear you

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Cut Too Short

You were the girl on the train
I was the boy standing in the rain
As you rushed by and our eyes met
For the first time, and then you were gone

Friday, April 20, 2012

Lines to Practice, Part 1 or Unfinished....

This is the test run
I am practicing my lines
Please don't listen too closely
Not yet, not at this rhyme

My name is from my grandmother
And it means gift from God
Hollowed descent from the Baptist and the Revelator
To unveil - has been my burden since birth
For I was even born on the Feast of Ephiphany
That self same feast that in times of old
Was revered and held sacred not for gifts
Or wisemen or a child in a manger
But for the god Dionysus it was held
When he returned from beneath the earth
And took a human vessel once more
I was also born in the year of the Serpent
And am just naturally twice as subtle and wise
My stars are the half fish half goat
And like Capricorn I am between
(Always and ever between the two)
Land and sea, love and hate,
the past and the future, here
My stars are they that transform in the face of Argol
And I am the transformed
(Do not read too much Scripture here)
The transformed comes from Marduk
And be careful, for like him, I will trick you
(But then, none of my tricks will ever be meant to harm)
Only to teach some greater lesson,
For no serpent hoards their wisdom
I share mine all the more
For my father was not there to share his with me
And I do not resent him for this
My father's house contains many old kings
Some long forgotten and others still here
Their haunting choices still bearing fruit
Through him I bear the blood of the Magne
Charles the Great of all the Franks
Through him I bear the blood of Ganger Hrolf
The Viking King who fathered the Conqueror
William father of a thousand Kings and Queens
Through him I bear the blood of Raughalach
And the old Irish Kingdom of Briefne
And through him and these lines
I bear the blood of Angus the Divine
and I bear the blood of Freyr the Divine
Both esteemed above all others in grace
And for the most comely faces
I take no self pleasure in this gift
I am merely its keeper and caretaker
Meant to pass it to my sons after
As my father passed it also to me
But while his descent may be of the highest
He has chosen to go among the low
He is an advocate for my people
And fights for a million widows and orphans
And as such he practices the very truest of religion
But do not tell him this great secret
For like all, his past casts darkest shadows
And he has rejected the hard hearts of the church
For they have also rejected him
And so it being such a mutual displeasure
I will speak no more of this matter
My mother's line is not of noble blood
But rather hers is of the truest blood
Which rises to each and every occasion
Hers is that which has risen to power
And to the most of all promenence
Wherever an opportunity has been seen
Look and behold the lines stretching far
The preachers, teachers, elders, and councelors
Look again and behold the business men
Presidents, Merchants and millionares that stand
All not upon some ancient pedigree
But rather upon their own energy and capacity
Though all will still give the glory its due
This is my family and my lines as they are
Though they spring from Europe's oldest soils
They have come and pooled in Africa's depths
And there they have found their own beauty
A fragrance of flowers not found anywhere
There were the turtle doves greet the morning
There were the soil is all the shades of blood
The land where the earth brings forth diamonds
The land where the Souther Lights dance
These are my people
And though they may be boorish
Though they may be loud and fight
Drink too much wine
And say things they regret later
This is their way of life
And they have it because they have died
And their children have died for it
Look among the records there
You will find my mothers and fathers
There they are fighting or starving or dying
And I can never thank or repay them
I can only acknowledge them
That they had the will to go on
And so in their memory too
I shall also press on
None of them were ever perfect
And I make no apology for them
But I also thank them dearly
For I think I may also never be perfect





Saturday, April 14, 2012

Carol of the Loves

Why are you three here?
Begone from me ghosts
And leave my sleep be
It is a long while still
Until Christmas Eve
Why should you now
Come walk among the living
Why should you now
Come disturb my torpid sleep
You, I see you there
The flicker flame
Reflecting specks of yesterday
I know your poison
All too well
I dare not drink
From that rotten cup
You offer in your hands of rust
I shall not partake
Of your unholy sacrament
Begone from me Yesterday
I know why you have come
To bring to memory
Not your smiles or songs
No, nor your words of love
For your smiles were two edged
and your songs were off key
You spoke not a word
Of love but ever guiltily
So I shall not come to your boney arms
I reject your false memories
For with you I was never happy
No I loved the idea of you
Not you
And these words are meant
To be hard and heavy and sharp
It is the only way to kill a phantom
Yes, you should fear too
Oh glimmering shine
That coats my words
Even as I breathe them
You, O Today, You
I can never escape You
You are evervescent
Ever present
Ever constant
Like the beating drum
You beat inside my skull
And you remind me
Of what I can never have
I feel your thrumbing presence
At all times the beating of your wings
Brushing the air by my head
Barely missing my face
The air around me buzzing
You distort my eyes
And make the air dance
Mirages appear on my left
On my right, and ahead
But I cannot turn
Because even as you
In kindess reach out and touch
You break the wall I have built so long
Of most solid air and promises
My resolve to keep you out
Today I cannot let you distract me
You are too mezmerizing
I know I can never keep you
You always slip away
The second I turn to chase you
I have given up on you
As I gave up on my Yesterday
But please don't make me kill you too
Leave me phantom
And I shall always keep
Your name upon my door
Marley
You should remain as you are
Dead
And my friend
But even as you begin to slide away
I find myself reaching for you again
Calling
Longing
Trying desperately not to care
Oh come back my Today
Come back and leave me not alone
With her
Oh
Oh no
The music has now stopped again and I do not know what I shall do for this new phantom is more real than the rest for even in trepidation formed her steps are deeper and plant themselves sure for she is none other than the black caped one who brings the sweetest terror and release and I know she is coming closer with each and every step and while her veil remains fixed I know the eyes that burn through it all too well and my heart cannot stop shaking and breaking my chest for it knows all to well she shall consume it utterly and though my will may cry out to my feet to turn and run and flee this dark day coming I know I cannot flee it and I know my place has been set at this table for it is not the table I shall eat of but the table I shall be eaten upon as a sacrifice for love's indellible appatite and so I shall submit to the glistening teeth and I shall recall the song I heard her first sing when the embers first stoked in the depths of my dispair and life was forged anew to be broken on different shores..... Shall I name you now? And shall you know the power you already whield? Shall I tear the veil and call you out?
Tomorrow
There I have whispered your name
And the depths of the deep places of the world
Echo and rebound and break apart
For they know at your coming
All of them shall be made to burn with light
And the fire I alone have seen in your smile
Tomorrow
Shall I endure Yesterday and Today
These scouraging phantoms
The bane of my sleep
In order that I may
Before morning's pale kiss
See your face
Even in shadow's graced
For a few passing moments
Caught on swallow's wings
Shall I see your own unfold
Your raven rainment detatched
And the form once more
Of Tomorrow's shaping
Shall I bear all these others
So I may see your smile
But know that sending them away
I send you away as well
Tomorrow will you ever be out of my grasp
Tomorrow, how much longer till dawn comes again
Tomorrow how much longer
Till I see your rising face
I can only hope
That some phantoms
Are not truly phantoms at all
I can only hope
Until Christmas Day comes


Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Just say it

I meant it
When I said goodbye
"We" was not meant to be
Nearly as soft as some people say
You and I had our time
We spent the hours long and lonesome
You are the one that wanted to go
You are the one that made the pain
Don't come back to crying times
Now the sun has gone
And night cannot be stopped
Clocks only run in one directions
Rivers don't flow uphill
Fires do not make pictures
Memories cannot be forgotten
You should have left then
When you heard me say "good night"
But you just had to stay
And have your say
And now look where we are
I won't pretend regret
I can't fake remorse
You brought this on yourself
I am not sorry
But I also didn't seek it
The bed was made
By most careful hands
Yours
Now its past bedtime
And the sheep have all gone home
Where will you go?
This is not the end of compassion
This is the start of "apathy"
Don't lie too long in regrets now
Just say "Good night" to me too
Just close the door
On your way out

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Admiration Well Placed

I admire you
No, I shall not call it love
Not yet anyway
Too soon to tell
Maybe time shall
All I can say
For now
Is I admire you
And the way that you smile
With truest heartbreak
At those unwell
And how brave you are
So much braver than us
You hide not your heart
Or your compassion within
Behind veils of lies
And arrogant airs
No you feel the aches
And sighs of the old
As if they were yours
A hundred times over
You weep with the broken
AS if each time was your own
Your own precious heart rent
You smile with the simple
Those ever heaven's children
And while the rest of us
Look away in discomfort
And truly in fear
You look into their eyes
And you find their souls
So sweet and so trusting
So innocent and pure
Maybe you can find them
Maybe you understand
Because your own heart has been broken
Your own eyes have grown old
Your own life has been shaken
And you only grew sweeter
And more innocent like them
Maybe I am wrong
Maybe I am right
Maybe I'm in love
But for now
I can only say
I admire you

Friday, April 6, 2012

Her name is Enigma

Sorrows tinge your smiles
And distraction steals your eyes
I try to discern your look
Why are you a closed book?
A wisp of smoke, here and gone
I cannot seem to grasp, you alone
And then the words from your lips
Conundrums and the ice bergs' tips
Confounding what I know to be true
You weave the world as it fits you
Until now I've ever only read
About women, its been said,
Who could make the world as they please
Sorceresses and enchantresses these
So are you some nymph then in human frame
Or siren merely playing at some pixie game
For again I say it for no other words will do
There is none with the same enigma that is you
For your mystery does not decrease with time
Nor can reason surface the more that I rhyme
Your mystery is like the greatest sea
And in the small tide pools is where you'll find me
It is frighteningly big this strange unknown
Who knows what treasure and wonders will be shown
I fear it, I crave it, I am drawn to your depths
Knowing I may never know why your eyes have wept
I still feel the siren call of your eyes
Maybe love, who knows, what in those depths lies
I am careful to embark on this path unprepared
But only from greatest risk come treasures uncompared
May your seas be truly as large and as deep
May your treasure be true and your secrets do keep
Let me chart your waters and sail your main
Let me learn to know you a bit better again

Thursday, April 5, 2012

The Fragmented Mind

Come O april
You month of lavenders and lilacs
Let us break ground together
And spill the seed upon concrete
Where will the dandelion's face
Ever break through
In the land of death
Where the lions roam
I have never been
She answers to the stars
Rome is so so far
I reply to the lilacs
The lions are so so close
Closing doors are difficult
Opening doors are difficult
The world grins on difficult
Which cult to grind today
On and on the wheels still turn
Ancient and decayed and festooned in dandelion
Where are the lilacs
Your voice cracks like the ground
We push these heaps of dust
Glowing orange and warm
We know that they will kill us
But still we sweep our little brooms
Pile our piles and heaps so high
So high and still no enlightment
The light switch ever out of reach
We are back in the bedroom
Hideous clowns on the walls
Something slithers beneath the bed
And the night-lights
Go out one by one like death
And we reach for that lightswitch
But enlightment is always out of reach
We turn to face the monster
We can't
And break the mirrors instead
Come with me to the water
We will bathe our broken hands
And pick shards of truth out
And let them drift away on the water
We shall no more these tears cry
We shall sing the song of the birds
And steal their words away
Till no more dumb beasts are these
We break their smallest hearts
And feast upon their lilacs
This is how lilacs are grown
In April month of terrors tears
This is how we hunt for gold
The secret hearts within
Break the circus open
Peel the sides off and look inside
See the man standing before the chess set
See the man dancing with the queen
So soon they all will weep
For the ringmaster was with them
And now is not
And we know the secret of the cave
That ought to have been left there
Along with the smallest coffee cup
We break the bread of sorrow
And it tastes like lilac and sharp truth
It cuts our tongues
And we bleed truth and pain from gaping mouths
Mouths meant to remind us of the cave
The secret of the cave in the circus
How now Control
Are you giving up already?
Do you lie here next to Apathy and weep
Drink yourselves into oblivion
Sleep in the land
That never knows the smell of lilacs
Sleep in the place
Where you do not need to fear
The dandelions under your bed
Where all the knightlights stay lit
And burn like helmets in the sun
Go to sleep my children
Break apart and collide again
Reform and reshape my children
Swept down the stream
Fragment into dream

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

There is no question

You have decided
She said to me
To love me
I had said to her
And so I shall
She had said to them
By can I
I ask of you
Can you love me
She asked of it
I cannot stop now
Was what I had said
But I still do not know
Is what you whispered
So what do I do
I ask of you

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Its been too long...

Get away!
And leave my dreams alone
For if you shall not come to me
In hours ruled by the sun
Why torture me so
Under the pale moon's watch?
No it is not your fault
Its not your fault your words hypnotize me
Its not your fault that I miss your eyes
Its not your fault that I feel so alive
More alive than around anyone else
So don't go away
Though I may despise it
I will sleep
Just to see you
Haunt me tonight
Because I miss your smile

Monday, April 2, 2012

Here on the Mountain Face

Can the ever green pine
Find love in the cloud's face
Can the needles softly murmur
Within the fog's embrace
Can the proud standing tree
Touch the tenant of heaven's vaults
Can the needles softly glisten
As the mist cries to its calls
No, surely this cannot be
The mountain top is far too lonely
Love cannot blossom here
The cloud now crying only
No love's safe haven here
This is too cold of a place
The pine and the cloud together,
Alone on the mountain's face.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Fools in April

Like Fools in April
Our words were double weighed
And trepidation bled our touch
And now we're lost in thoughts
You were there in the shadow
I was there in the pouring rain
You and I stood silent
You and I stood again
We neither of us ever could
Stay down in the bracky water long
You broke free like a fountain
I broke free like a dove
But now we are both of us
Each in our own way gone
Remember me in the meadow
I'll remember you in the snow
Relive the never-walks in the forest
And and live the ever-walks
Where the mockingjays cry