Thursday, October 20, 2011

Lean Not On Your Own Understanding

I walk this path in darkest night
Along the desert of my soul
And I come once more to the place
Where the bodies lay in the sand
Severed in half
A sacred promise
Your torches passed here
Your words echoed on the breeze
and I was foolish enough to believe them
You made a promise
You said things would be different
Your torches passed between them
Half dead corpses on both sides
Oxen, sheep, doves who never did wrong
You or me
They were killed
Their blood spilled because....
You said this would be different
You said we would be together
And I believed
You said that these things took time
You said that no one would come between us
You said that all I had to do was trust
Trust You
And I believed the promise
I wept for the promise
I waited for the promise
I waited
But yet
You never came
I sat by myself
Under this sycamore tree
I climbed its branches
Till I reached the stars
And plucking them from the firmament
The wall that was built
You built between us
I threw the stars of heaven to the earth
To reach the place
The place I heard I could find
But heaven was an empty sepulcher
And I couldn't understand why
I must have misunderstood somehow
How could I have been so foolish to believe
That if I were to climb to the highest heavens
I would find
And I blamed myself
I said it must have been me
I crept down from the sycamore tree
Under the cold eyes of scornful angels
Who reminded me I did not belong
Belong with
So I crept along the tree
Till I came to the dust
Back to the dust
To the ashes to ashes
To where my home was
And I lay in the dust
And when my friends came to me
I told them to depart
For I had not seen the foundations of the earth
And I could not hook Leviathan
And I was but dust
and ashes spent
So I took to the flames
And buried myself in the breath of life
And a pyre was above me
And the gold of the idols
Dripped between the stones
And the drops of molten gold seared
As they dropped down and coated my skin
Till I was a golden man
And idol in the images of men in the images of gods
In the image of G-d
And I sat in the flames as a god
And I wept in the flames as only a god may weep
And I knew my place was here in Sheol
And I hoped that I could find in between gnashing teeth
But lo, I was still alone
And anger consumed my soul
I had waited for You
I had wept for You
I had believed You
And I errupted from beneath the earth
As the sun
And burned with fiercest harshest light
And I screamed at the morning
The morning that was me
And I hated the dawn
I hate you Dawn!
My anger was kindled
And the fingers of hatred brushed my soul
With an icy shutter as pale as snow
And I fell away from the earth
Until I floated listlessly
Listless in the hyperborean sea
The wings of the dawn were dying
And the uttermost was all I had
And even there in the end of days
When I had forsaken all others
When I had followed You
Still You hid from me
As if this was some sort of game
As if my love for You was some game
I shed this godly form
And returned my golden heart for one of flesh
And life flooded my veins
Along with the bitterest of dread
I sat upon the edge of the world
My feet dangling into space
And stars spun around them
Following the currents of the wind
And that was when
Then of all times and in all space
That You came to me
Grew a tree to give me shade
And returned all my sons and daughters to me doubled
As if that somehow replaced the ones You took away
And as the final note of the last trump died off key
Then You chose to ride in on Your white horse
And looked at me with that perplexed look in Your eyes
That just couldn't seem to understand why
Why I was angry
Why I was hurt
Why I no longer would take You at Your Word
Look back at Rachel weeping for her children
Look back at the burning cities
And see the Salt of Compassion
The ever present pillar that is the ever present witness
To what You have done
And all of this, My Love
Because You weren't sure of my heart?
Testing me to see if I would give my all
You knew this from the very start
Why bring a ram and rooster into it at all?
So where does that leave us?
You and I?
I sit here watching the cosmos roll by
You stand there watching me waiting for a response
Soon my time will draw near
And then what sight will we see?
Can You love me and watch me suffer like this for ever?
Can You love me and extinguish the smoldering wick?
Can You love me and hide Your face when I need You?
Did You ever love me at all?

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