Styccemæle

If my body was different 

Had less lustful appeal

Would you still love me the same

Are we being honest here? 

No, and yes I would still love you

I love you a little for your beauty 

And for the soft places of your skin

And without them I think I would

Love you, yes,  just a little less 

And my personality 

The way I think, how I react 

If that were different, would you?

Yes, and no I would love you

But maybe if it were changed for the better 

I may just love you a little more 

As terrible as that is to say

Change is not always for the worse after all

And the precious moments we share

Do you love me for the memories we make 

And if they changed would you love me less? 

Honestly still? Yes but maybe a bit more no

Those moments are the heartbeat of my passion

And my passion sustains my love 

But maybe if the moments changed I could live my days

Sustaining my love for you on just the memories 

And if I died and departed all these parts 

Would you love me still when all remained

Was the echo of my love for you inside your heart

Are we still being honest? I don't know

I have never loved so strongly 

And I have never had that heart ripped from my life 

But I like to think I would. I would try my best to still love you, even then. 

Collage

Gather your pile of memories

Bring them to the table

And let them all fall out

Spread them across the woodwork

They are windows to the past

They are the paintings of yesteryear

Pick up the bad ones

And the ones with odd angles

Hold them to the light

And see if they show any more secrets

Then tear them apart

Thin ribbons of paper

Thin lines across the past

Pick apart the picture

Pick and chose what you want to keep

Throw away the garbage

Not everything painful goes in the trash

Now to the canvas

It begins with the central frame

Put down your strongest memory

Glue on what you want to define "you"

Then begins the forging of links

And the chains spread across your page

More memories

Carefully crafted to fit your narrative

Tell the story of who you were and will be

Add some lines, even if they weren't there

Add some colors where there were too much

Add a touch of whimsy because life needs it

And then take a step back

You are halfway there

Now begins the tearing

Take away the things that are too much

Take away the things you don't need to carry

Take away the things you hold the dearest

And find the beauty in a life lived in simplicity

Find the beauty in a full garbage bag

Step back again

Hold it up to the light

Your past is now a tapestry

Held together with the threads of emotions

And telling a grand story

The story of how you became you

Enjoy the picture while its here

Soon you'll get more pieces

And with each pile of new memories

You'll have to start over again

Gathering your pile of memories

Bring them to the table

And let them all fall out

Changes and Regrets

Regretfully

I look towards you

And I wonder what it would have been like

Had we stayed in that place

Never gone to the lake

Would you still look at me now

The way you looked at me before

Maybe

I can only hope so

Last week

I went to see a man of science

And he told me that there is a sign

That maybe we live ontop

Of alternative realities

In which we made different choices

And I like to think that somewhere

Sitting on top of you and me is you and me

Except they did it better than we did

And that they never had that fight

That the other you never changed like you did

And that the other me never went with the other you

To the other lake where the other man was waiting

I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense

Maybe the other me would say it better

Could you imagine if that was true

Can you imagine if we were together
Somewhere just not this here

Regretfully I must inform you

That I don't know for sure if that other place is real

Regrefully I have to say

That we do not live in that other place

That we made our choices
And this is the here and now we get to have

I wish we had never met
No I am glad we did

I wish we had never fallen in love

No I am glad we did

I wish I had never gone to the lake with you

I wish that I never had to watch you change like this

Airports are People Too!!!

So I'm writing this from the departure lobby of an airport. Its stark and the light feels dirty, though its not as cold as I would expect. Rather, its that muggy almost body temperature feel that makes you feel not sweaty, not cold, just uncomfortable- like wading through lukewarm soup. The airport in Taiwan was colder, but its funny how similar the Portland International Airport looks to it. I think most airports look the same.

In the Taipei Airport I had to run down a long, dingy hallway with other passengers. All the signs were in Chinese and I didn't know where we were going. There was no one to ask. And the weird thing was that I wasn't afraid or nervous about missing my flight and just embraced the mad dash chase, the excitement of the hunt as we all barrelled towards wherever the front runner was taking us.

The Taipei Airport felt like a series of low lit, dim and dirty rooms connected together by stretched of stark linolium and white, dentist like lighting. Until you reached your gate. The gates were auditorium size rooms with a few stretched of uncomfortable chairs and a wall made of windows that looked out over the Strait of Taiwan one side and the sun rising over the rim of the pacific on the other side.

The PDX (that's Portland International Airport for those who don't speak Air Tower Controller) is much bigger. In an odd way. There are airports like San Fancisco (where I am writing from now) that cover a lot of distance, but there's only about 500 feet between security and your gate. They are like massive hotdogs, or like Stephanie Meyer novels. They stretch on and on but they aren't very deep. PDX is almost the opposite in that it goes up and down and its not very long (unless you have to make the two mile run to get from security to the A gates - that's a story for a different post). PDX would be a Terry Prachett novel. It's not too long but it has some depth hidden away in odd corners. It also is PLASTERED with art. The Taipei airport has a better spa though.

And then at the opposite ends of the Airports specturm you get the Singapore International Airport and the John Wayne Airport (god, I hope it's not an international one that would be terrible!). The Singapore Airport is massive. And by massive I mean that where Taipei has a series of interconnected linolium rooms like a massive snake, and while PDX has long walkways and artsy corridors, Singapore is like a series of interconnected cathedrals. The ceiling is hundreds of feet above you, where natural lighting mixes with carefully manicured flowering vines and pieces of giant suspended art inetract with the natural airflow that is created in the huge space. The floors are dark marble veined with silver. There is a MASSIVE food market (think like a flee market with vendors and stalls and real restaurants all rubbing shoulders in a space as big as the PDX airport) in what we could term the "basement". In short, when Singapore comes to the airport contest everyone else just goes home.

But then, that's the point of this post. It's not a contest. Because one of the best airports I've been in has been the John Wayne in Orange County. It's small. Tiny. The you are here dot might as well just cover the whole thing, if it even needed maps to guide you around. You walk from security into your gate and out of your gate into traffic. Its got a few palm trees and a lot of busses lining up to take people to Disneyland or Hollywood. But what makes it great is that true to its name, in its only lobby space hangs a decent sized American flag behind a twice life sized statue of the man himself, John Wayne. It is an airport that isn't trying to be anything other than itself. It knows what its about.

I'm sure there's some clever connection between airports and people I could make. About how they're all different and they all function differently and blah blah blah. But I think any connections between the two would be extremely apparent without needing to be spelled out. And I would just sound preachy if I did. But more importantly, like all metaphors if you poke it too hard it tends to fall apart. I mean, sure there are people who have had John Wayne inside of them like his airport, but that would be something you could live without ever having to hear.

Sincerely And With All My Heart

Dear Mr Writer
You must think
That you're so clever
Coming up
With pretty little rymes
Thinking you can pass
As deep
For wasting everyones
Precious tymes
You aren't fooling us
You know this don't you
Your work is garbage
So why don't you quit
Sincerely
And with All my Love
Your Reader

Dear Mr Reader
Thank you so
For your letter
And more than that
Your honesty
I can't say I haven't tried
To seem like more
Than I really am
But thanks for reading
All the same
Maybe someday You'll get it
I wouldn't expect you to
After all
It's not like you know anything
About the process
The blood and tears
Or writing
Have a nice life
Living in mediocrity
Sincerely
And with all My love
Your Writer

Dear Writer
You have some issues
Have I mentioned it yet?
How egotistical must you be
To think that what you have to say
Is somehow so important
Enough that everyone should stop
And listen to you
Because its all about you
Isn't it
You could use your life
Your time here on earth
To do something worth while
Maybe actually do some good
At least do no harm
But instead
Instead you climb on your pedestal
And pretend you're god
Wow
What is it like in your little world?
Sincerely
And with all my lOve
Your Reader

Dear Reader,
This is my world
Fear
Will I write the right thing
Will anyone read it
Will I correct the right things
Will anyone care
Will I find the right agent
Will they read it
Will I get published
Will anyone care
Will the public read it
Will anyone read it
Will anyone care
Will I read it
Probably not
Will I care
Every second of every day
This is my little world
But its okay
If you can't see inside it
Then I'm doing my job
To make sure you don't see
The seams or the inside
Hope your perfect life is going
So much better than mine.
Sincerely
And With all my love,
Your Writer

Dear Writer,
I do read
More than you know
You write it
And it leaves you
And you can move on
I read it
And I carry it with me
For the rest of my life
That is your responsibility
You have made it
You have put it out in the world
You are responsible for it
Because when I was
At my darkest point
You had the gall
To come to me and say
Don't worry this is how
It is somehow meant to be
And don't worry
It gets so much worse
I hope you suffer
I hope you die
I hope someone kills you
Before you can hurt anyone else
Sincerely
And with all my LOVE
Your Reader

Dear Reader,
I don't know what to say
Except
Is it sick that I'm kinda glad
To hear it impacted you so
That when I said
Things will get worse
You believed me
And believing made it so
Maybe you're right
Maybe I do have a God complex
But only because you keep reading
And reading and reading my stories
You make me a God
You are just as much to blame
We are mutually culpable.
So I guess we both should die
Sincerely
AND WITH ALL MY HEART
Your Writer

Dear Writer,
Let's fill our cups with poison.
You and me both
And we will both chose a cup
And both drink
And see who chooses the right cup
Let chance and Lady Luck
Be the great equalizer
And judge
Let them say which of us is culpable
And which one is to blame
Sincerely
And With All My Heart
Your Reader

Dear Reader
Okay
sincerely and with all my heart
You