Friday, November 30, 2012

It is the same

I see them sitting there
He looks out the window
She looks down at her lap
Neither is talking
Both should
But who can start this conversation?
It is the same
They have a choice
Do they keep fighting 
Or do they quit while they're ahead
Cut their losses and throw their lines farther this time

I see him frown at the computer screen
The reports are back and he'll have to fire some more
It seems that's all he'd doing
Just doing his job
Try to forget that it's Christmas time

Try to forget what that mass email means
But he won't and he can't do this much longer
And soon he'll have to face it
It is the same
Face the choice
Does he stay or go
He knows what his emotions tells him
He knows what is the logical choice
But he is not a creature of gears and steel

I see her smile even though she wants to scream
And take it all again and again without a word
How many more interviews will end the same way
Sorry but you're not what we're looking for
Meanwhile her savings is all going towards her debt
That she made at school in order to get the job
It is a vicious cycle and she knows it
It is the same
She can print another wave and another
Resumes like leaves in the fall
Or she can pool those last few dollars
Buy the one way ticket to Rome
It's completely irrresponsable 
She knows

I see them standing there
And they feel ashamed that they had dared
To tell a joke in the car on the way to the cemetery
As if they hadn't had enough guilt yet 
For not knowing that the baby had a peanut allergy
There is nothing funny about it
It is the same
One wants to try again, he says things will get better
Even though he knows they probably won't
The other wants to give up on everything 
Even though he can think of reasons why not to
And both know that people will look
And say that Fatherhood isn't for everyone
Especially not certain people
Like them

I am here in front of a computer
And I have no person who demands my love
No person who demands my respect
No person who demands my perfection
and no person who can take my hand at a graveyard as I cry
It is the same
We are not made of gears and steel
We are flesh and tears and silences that need filling
We are decision makers that break each others hearts
And sing when we are in the shower
Or home alone
We are all differently the same
And we all must make choices
Even when they are hard
And don't make any sense
We must chose between 
What we know and feel
What we want and need
And need to want
We must chose between 
What is safe and what must be done
And in the end
We'll make our little beds of dirt
Sure some with bigger stones and more flowers
But in the end they are all just beds of dirt
And no one will remember those choices
That we agonized over and wept bitter tears for
And that is alright because they will be busy
So so busy
Agonizing over their own
We all, each sow our generation of bitter tears
And reap soft beds of loam and warm earth
It is the same

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