I Went to the Carnival

I went to the Carnival
To see if I could find your soul
I went to the Carnival
But they said I was too old

I went to the dunk tanks
To see if you hid there
I went to the dunk tanks
But all they sold was air

I went to the Carnival
To see if I could find your soul
I went to the Carnival
But they said you were too old

I went to the acrobats
To ask about your face
I went to see the acrobats
But they just wrote "disgrace"

I went to the Carnival
To ask what life is about
I went to the Carnival
But they turned the lights out

I went to find the magic man
Since you've disappeared
I found that old magic man
And he told me what I'd feared

I went to the Carnival
And I knew you were not there
I went to the old Carnival
And pretended not to care

I went to see the lions
I had heard that they were wise
But this said the lions
"Ash to ash and all to flies."

I went to the Carnival
But only in my dreams
I lied about the Carnival
I don't care, it seems

What I Can't Tell You

Excuse me
This is my rant
These are the things
I just keep inside
Because your fragile little psyche
Just couldn't bare
The touch of truth
And besides,
mirrors make you melt
So stand aside and cower
Cover your ears and stuff your eyes
And keep believing that everything is fine
Or believing some other kind of lie
Because this is what I cannot ever tell you
These are not words but brands
I'm almost at the breaking point
With all your tears and self blame
As if its all about you somehow
As if we disappear when you leave the room
Or the lights go out
Or you close your eyes and lay you down to sleep
I'm sorry my dear
But it doesn't work that way
We are here
And to be perfectly honest
We have just about had enough
Of your little pity party and show
Have remorse
That's fine
But the penitent posture is really unnecessary
And the flagellation hurts to look at
And have you never stopped to think
(of course you haven't)
that when you blame and hurt yourself
You don't just hurt yourself
You hurt every person who cares about you
And you drive them further away
So come now darling
Pick yourself up off the floor
No one blames you
And you are loved
More than you can ever know
But you're gonna be loved a little less
Every time you insist on doing this
So just stop it
Some things have nothing to do with you
They don't affect you
And they don't need you to take the blame
Stand up, oh woman, stand
Pick you head back up
And shake the dust from your hair
Where are your accusers now?
Except for the one in the mirror
There never really were any, were there
Stand and step up
Become the bigger person
Put aside these childish ways
Because only a child thinks only of themselves
And you haven't been a child now for a long time
It's time, my dear
And you know I only say this because I love you
Even Wendy came home in the end

Conversations on Earth, or A Poorly Written Poem

He wants to say he's sorry

You can see it in his eyes

But he's not gonna say sorry

And do you even know why

He wants to just hold you

You can already feel his touch

And even though you want it too

You know you'll reject it

Aren't we all so funny

Spinning on our blue ball

We agonize over molehills

And don't get the point at all

You can see that he wants to be

Everything you could ever ask

But you ask and then change your mind

And he's getting tired of it all

You can see that he's turning away

And you want to keep him so bad

But you know he's gonna walk soon

And you can stop him... but you won't

Aren't we all so sad

Our little ball is winding down

We took too long to figure out

How to just be happy with each other

And ourselves

What You Don't Seem To Understand

It means touching
Everyone
Not just the clean
The neat
The socially acceptable
The ones you would approve of
It means loving
Loving everyone
Learning to walk again
Over and over again
Mile by mile
In their shoes
Until their eyes are your eyes
And you cry for the same reasons they do
It means believing
That whatever measure you meet
It will be measured back to you
So just stop it
Stop measuring them
And me
By your preconceived idea of perfection
And your faulty ideals that have killed innocents
It means making
Making your measure the measure of love
It means making your measure
The measure of forgiveness
Of kindness
Of acceptance
It means when you're commanded to go a mile
You go another
Of your own volition
These are the words of the Teacher
And you say you love Him so
It's time to put your money where your mouth is
Show me by your works
Love the way He loved
Because isn't it funny
And funniest that it's true
That he ate with the greatest "sinners"
But the only sins he called
Were yours
My beloved little Pharisee
So set in your ideas
I will not always be with you
Rejoice while the bridegroom is here
Or else too soon
You'll taste the bitter salt of mourning
When he's gone and its too late
Even you have a little Nicodemus in you
If you'd just try to understand

The Girl in the Ghost House - Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Evelyn ducked the second she heard the flap of the wings behind her. She fell onto the dusty carpet and rolled over. She pulled her bow out and pulled the arrow back and hoped she could aim better this time. She let the arrow go, not really knowing what she was shooting at. And she just barely saw something black in the corner of her eye flying across the room. But when she shone her flashlight there was nothing there. Evelyn was shaking. The Thing with Black Wings had almost gotten her.

“Oh, deary. Looks like it left again.” Lacrymosa sighed before laughing, “That was a very good try. But maybe next time deary, you should try aiming for it instead of the stairs.”

“I was aiming for it.” Normally Evelyn wouldn’t get so cross with people but she still felt her heart beating fast and her stomach felt all twisted in knots and she did not appreciate Lacrymosa making comments about her aim, “Anyway, you weren’t helping very much.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’ve made you mad, haven’t I?” Lacrymosa said and began to sniff, “I always do that. Make other people sad or mad. It’s not nearly as fun as when I make people happy.”

“Well, I’m not mad. I was just frightened that’s all.” Evelyn said, shining the light up the stairs to where the golden shaft of her arrow stuck out. “I’ll be right back.”

“Oh, dear, you mustn’t shine your light so directly at the gap in the stairs. You’ll make it angry.” Lacrymosa said as Evelyn was climbing the stairs.