Lean Not On Your Own Understanding

I walk this path in darkest night

Along the desert of my soul

And I come once more to the place

Where the bodies lay in the sand

Severed in half

A sacred promise

Your torches passed here

Your words echoed on the breeze

and I was foolish enough to believe them

You made a promise

You said things would be different

Your torches passed between them

Half dead corpses on both sides

Oxen, sheep, doves who never did wrong

You or me

They were killed

Their blood spilled because....

You said this would be different

You said we would be together

Forever

And I believed

You said that these things took time

You said that no one would come between us

You said that all I had to do was trust

Trust You

And I believed the promise

I wept for the promise

I waited for the promise

I waited

But yet

You never came

I sat by myself

Under this sycamore tree

I climbed its branches

Till I reached the stars

And plucking them from the firmament

The wall that was built

You built between us

I threw the stars of heaven to the earth

To reach the place

The place I heard I could find

You

But heaven was an empty sepulcher

And I couldn't understand why

I must have misunderstood somehow

How could I have been so foolish to believe

That if I were to climb to the highest heavens

I would find

You

And I blamed myself

I said it must have been me

I crept down from the sycamore tree

Under the cold eyes of scornful angels

Who reminded me I did not belong

Belong with

You

So I crept along the tree

Till I came to the dust

Back to the dust

To the ashes to ashes

To where my home was

And I lay in the dust

And when my friends came to me

I told them to depart

For I had not seen the foundations of the earth

And I could not hook Leviathan

And I was but dust

and ashes spent

So I took to the flames

And buried myself in the breath of life

And a pyre was above me

And the gold of the idols

Dripped between the stones

And the drops of molten gold seared

As they dropped down and coated my skin

Till I was a golden man

And idol in the images of men in the images of gods

In the image of G-d

And I sat in the flames as a god

And I wept in the flames as only a god may weep

And I knew my place was here in Sheol

And I hoped that I could find in between gnashing teeth

You

But lo, I was still alone

And anger consumed my soul

I had waited for You

I had wept for You

I had believed You

And I errupted from beneath the earth

As the sun

And burned with fiercest harshest light

And I screamed at the morning

The morning that was me

And I hated the dawn

I hate you Dawn!

My anger was kindled

And the fingers of hatred brushed my soul

With an icy shutter as pale as snow

And I fell away from the earth

Until I floated listlessly

Listless in the hyperborean sea

The wings of the dawn were dying

And the uttermost was all I had

And even there in the end of days

When I had forsaken all others

When I had followed You

Still You hid from me

As if this was some sort of game

As if my love for You was some game

I shed this godly form

And returned my golden heart for one of flesh

And life flooded my veins

Along with the bitterest of dread

I sat upon the edge of the world

My feet dangling into space

And stars spun around them

Following the currents of the wind

And that was when

Then of all times and in all space

That You came to me

Grew a tree to give me shade

And returned all my sons and daughters to me doubled

As if that somehow replaced the ones You took away

And as the final note of the last trump died off key

Then You chose to ride in on Your white horse

And looked at me with that perplexed look in Your eyes

That just couldn't seem to understand why

Why I was angry

Why I was hurt

Why I no longer would take You at Your Word

Look back at Rachel weeping for her children

Look back at the burning cities

And see the Salt of Compassion

The ever present pillar that is the ever present witness

To what You have done

And all of this, My Love

Why?

Because You weren't sure of my heart?

Testing me to see if I would give my all

You knew this from the very start

Why bring a ram and rooster into it at all?

So where does that leave us?

You and I?

I sit here watching the cosmos roll by

You stand there watching me waiting for a response

Soon my time will draw near

And then what sight will we see?

Can You love me and watch me suffer like this for ever?

Can You love me and extinguish the smoldering wick?

Can You love me and hide Your face when I need You?

Did You ever love me at all?

The Old Physician

It started as any story, in a land far away. The sun shone bright, the birds sang sweet, and the girl met the boy. It was love at first sight, cupid’s arrows hit true. The two were hopelessly in love and thought the world could not get better. They pledged their hearts to one another, and promised ever to be faithful. The world was bright and sweet. Until.

Until the dream, the terrible dream. She dreamt it on a moonless night, when smoky clouds shrouded the stars. She dreamt that a fire raced through his veins, and consumed him both body and soul. Then she dreamt that time ran backwards while the flames receded in her eyes. She saw them draw back to a single spark, lodged deep within his chest. And she knew, she knew the spark started it all.

The next day they were walking in the tranquil woods, listening to bird song and loving each other’s presence, when he swooned, ever so slightly, and had to steady himself on a near tree branch. He assured her he was fine. He told her not to worry. He said that nothing was wrong, just a sudden dizziness. He got up and walked on and for the remainder of the day he was fine. But she knew better. She knew she had seen it. The spark. The spark that would consume him.

She looked to the wise ones and asked them about her dream and the spark, and after much consulting they agreed to perform the testings, to see if her predictions were true. They brought her beloved before them and gazed upon him. The signs were all there, the slight tremble in his hands, the distant look in his eyes, and even the strain in his voice. All confirmed that he had the disease.

She begged him to see the great physician, the one who could cure him. But her beloved insisted that he was perfectly fine and that the wise ones did not know what they were talking about. He refused to go see the physician and even grew angry at her when she asked him about it again. All the while, her she worried more and more, as her dream became more horrifying with each passing night.

Finally, she went in secret to the physician’s house. He welcomed her in, the old bent man with disheveled white hair. He walked slowly, fixing their tea, as he listened to her tale about her beloved. Then, as they sat down and drank tea, he explained to her that he did have a cure for the disease, and that he could give it to her right now. However, before he would give it her, he asked her an important question.

“What if he still insists that he is well? How will you respond?” asked the physician.

“I-I don’t know. I guess I couldn’t force him to take it, but, to have to watch the disease ravage his body…” she spoke sighing.

“Yes, I think I can help. Here” The old man said taking a white orb from his shelves, “This will aid you. If you can endure it. It will impart wisdom. Just place your hand on it and close your eyes.”

She placed her hand on the orb, and closed her eyes. Instantly, she felt a tremendous force pressing down on her, as if the whole weight of the world was upon her. She felt as if she couldn’t breathe, as if she was about to be crushed by the weight. Finally, she couldn’t take it any more. She knew she would die if she stayed there. She panicked. She opened her eyes and she ran.

She ran out of the old physician’s house and all the way back through the woods where she had first seen her beloved swoon. It was only when she got there that she felt the heaviness in her pocket. She pulled out the vial, with the neat directions printed on its label. “One drop a day will keep symptoms at bay, all drunk with ease with destroy the whole disease”.

She found him. She showed him the bottle. She begged him to drink and be made whole. But he insisted that he had talked to a different physician. A young physician, who told him that he needn’t worry at all. Her beloved insisted that he would not touch the contents of the vial. It was as the old physician had predicted.

For several days she tossed restlessly, wondering what she should do. In the end, her love for him won out, and she began secretly feeding the substance into his food. It smelled so foul that she could only add a single drop, thereby keeping his symptoms at bay while she tried to convince him to drink the rest.

But he never would. And eventually she ran out of the vial’s precious liquid. She returned to the house of the physicians but he and his whole house had vanished without a trace. Then came the agony. She saw the shaking hands get worse. She saw the distant stare get deeper. She saw his life begin to fade. The life of her beloved. And she had no more cure left.

She stayed by his bedside as he grew weaker and weaker, protesting to the last that he was not ill, that as he had gotten better before, he would get better this time also. She never had the heart to tell him that he only got better because of her secret ministrations. Finally, after an extended battle, in which both suffered tremendously, he gasped a rattled breathe and died.

She screamed in anguish, closing her eyes as tears streamed down her cheeks. Then she heard a gentle and familiar voice prodding her.

“Its alright, dear. Just open your eyes.”

She opened her eyes and found herself sitting in a familiar house, across from a familiar figure. It was the old physician. He was extending something towards her. A white orb. And her hand was on it. She remembered, looked up at a wall clock, and realized only a second had passed since she had closed her eyes. It had all been an illusion.

“Why?! Why did you do that!?!?” She yelled, jumping to her feet.

“To show you what would happen if you simply continued enabling your beloved to deny the truth of his situation. As much as it will pain you, you must allow him to see the symptoms of his illness. The real ones. The undeniable ones that will open his eyes to his condition.” The old physician explained, “Only then will he be willing to take the medicine and be cured of this disease. Do not let your love and compassion cause you to harm him and make him go through the torment you have just seen.”

She stood silently and nodded before uttering a whispered thanks and walking out the door with a haunted, vacant expression on her face, still trying to come to grips with the fact that the last month of her life had not truly happened. And as she walked towards the palace, she couldn’t help but shudder as she thought about the possibility. The very real possibility that what she was currently seeing was also just an illusion and the at any moment it would all vanish as she opened her eyes.

Mysteries

When I was a young boy
And my feet made of clay
I remember meeting her
On that clear summer day

I was with my best friend
We had come for the band
They played my favorite song
When I saw her stand

Did you see her
Did you see her
Standing out of the crowd
Did you hear her
Did you hear her
Singing out loud
Can anyone tell me
Who is this girl I see?
Part the veil of this new found
Mystery

She sang like a siren
She looked like a venus
She shone as a beacon
Across the gulf between us

Her mind was taller
Her neck was strong
Her ways seemed higher
And her thoughts fell long

Did you see her
Did you see her
Standing out of the crowd
Did you hear her
Did you hear her
Unravel thoughts out loud
Can anyone tell me
Who is this girl I see?
Part the veil of this deepening
Mystery

But her heart was heavy
Too heavy for us to bare
She made herself noble
Because inside she was scared
Scared of trusting again
After tasting that hell
So instead she rose up
Locked deep in her shell

Did you see her
Did you see her
Looking so proud
Did you hear her
Did you hear her
Crying out loud
Can anyone tell me
Who is she really?
Does she even know
Her own mystery

******************

Eh, personally didn't like how this one came out... I think its partially because I wrote the first half, knowing where I was going with it, then I went to sleep and woke up, thinking I would finish it real quick, only to realize I had forgotten where I was going with it... so yeah, turned out kinda blah in my opinion...

Quintial Metaphorium

Quintial Metaphorium

The Flyingbut Butterfly
Dancing butterfly
Teasing as she comes and goes
Who may catch the wind?

The Confused Eve
May blossoms so strange
For Sunlight waxes and wanes
While Moonlight stays fixed

The Daggered Knife
Dagger hangs from silk
Pressing in towards my heart
When the wound is bound

Durge Song
Raven pecking eyes
Carries off sapphire friendship
Opening old tombs

Friended Acquaintanship
Lauding Hermos Mal
Eclipsed burning heavens now
When high thing fall low

Trusting Glorious Dust

Uncertainty clouds about
Unsure about everything at all
Questions hanging in blank space
“Why?” asked too often

Do I dare, dare do this thing?
Would I actually, right now
Trust you with my heart?
Trust you with everything?

An unsure step out of the boat
An uncertain leap of faith
When the world crashes in around
Where exactly will I be found?

Where? Here. Right here in this place.
In your arms, your sweet embrace
My heart I entrust to you alone
Because no one else would understand

Trust is fleeting, flying, and solid
Trust is blind and yet can see
Trust is sure in the uncertain
I trust you now, more than myself

I trust you with this glass heart
Kept within its locked cage
I trust you now with this glowing coal
When will the fire be stoked again?

Oh how beautiful, how glorious
How wonderful is this trust
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust
When all turns to rust, I will trust.